FRED Don't y'all think this is some kind of government conspiracy? 'Cause my friend, Levon, says the government's always taking kids and experimentin' on 'em. Did anybody else have to take a personality disorder test recently? They ask you about politics and your bowel movements and if you want to be a florist -
CORDELIA OK. We've heard from Scarlet O'PleaseShutMeUp. Does anyone sane have a theory?
FRED There's conspiracies and stuff. Y'all don't even know...
GUNN I got no problem with the idea that the man is messing with us.
WESLEY The important thing is to start with the facts. We're all from different cities, we're all of an age... (rubs chin thoughtfully) Judging from the amount of facial hair I've grown, we've all been unconscious for at least a month.
CORDELIA (touches her short hairstyle) Oh, God. Oh, God. My hair. My hair. (crying) The government gave me bad hair.
FRED (goes to Cordelia) No, no, it's nice.
WESLEY (goes to Cordelia) Yes, it's, uh, just the thing.
CORDELIA Are you sure?
WESLEY It's...eh...very attractive. But a clue, nonetheless. Perhaps the whole point of this experiment is hair. (touches his chin stubble)
GUNN I vote he's not in charge.
ANGEL It's the devil. It's the devil.
CORDELIA (crying) My hair?
ANGEL My father said I was a sinner, that I'd come to a bad end. Now I've come to hell.
GUNN Well, hell's a lot nicer than my place.
WESLEY It appears to be some sort of hotel.
FRED Well, maybe it's Motel Hell. (giggles and snorts)
WESLEY Well, let's get the lay of the place.
GUNN Don't be giving me orders. I run my own crew.
WESLEY I'm sure your seafaring adventures are very interesting, but I have experience of things you couldn't imagine. I'm not head boy for nothing.
GUNN (in his face) You 'bout to be headless boy, you don't get out my face.
WESLEY Intimidation. Ha. Ha. Points for effort. Perhaps a little kar-ate technique will put you in your place.
Wesley does a pretty bad demonstration of karate martial arts. When he bends down his wrist, a dagger shoots out of his forearm. Wesley gasps and jumps back.
CORDELIA What the hell was that?
WESLEY A clue?
GUNN Was that a wooden stake you got?
WESLEY Apparently, yes. Which changes the scenario quite a bit.
FRED (tries karate moves of her own, inspects her hands) I didn't get one.
GUNN Nobody got one except English, here. Why's that?
WESLEY I don't know. I suggest we look about for weapons of some kind.
GUNN Yeah, that part works.
Fred and Gunn walk around to the back of the front counter. Fred screams. Wesley's concealed weapon starts going haywire: the sword comes out, but it's to unwieldy for him.
FRED Aah!
WESLEY Aah! (finally getting his weapon under control) All right. Nobody scream. Or touch my arms.
FRED Well, I think I found another clue.
GUNN She's not wrong.
CORDELIA OK, this is even less funny. What the hell is that?
They have found Lorne, who's passed out on the floor.
ANGEL I knew it. It's the devil.
FRED Why is the devil sleepy?
